could have been

clench your hand into a fist. now look at the bottom of your fist, the flat side that is along your pinky finger. just after the first three lines (that is the creases on your pinky finger) you will find a set of lines in between the third and 4th crease (which is your line of heart, the one that extends from your palm)

someone once told me that the number of lines show the number of children i will have. i remember that i had three lines when i was younger. i mused that i was going to have three children. however, i have over the years planned for only two and have been very careful to stick to my plan. recently, i looked at my hand again and the middle line has grown lighter and is now two broken lines instead of one continuous one.

i can't help but think that i may have wilfully stopped my third unborn (and even unformed and inexistent) child from coming to this world. somewhere there could have been, should have been, a big-sparkling-eyes, pig-tailed girl with the sweetest of smile waiting to hold my hand and call me mummy. it tugs at my heart so. i felt like i have lost something that i have never owned.