i was recently invited to a dinner party. the body is willing but the heart is weak. usually it will be the other way round but this time i find myself not really looking forward to it. infact, dreading it may be the word for it.
not that it wouldn't be fun. nor the company unpleasant. infact, i bet it will be a barrel of laughs and i will have a good time too. i have yet to solve the mystery for my uncooperative temperament.
i have been mulling it over and wondering if i have any feasible excuse for not attending. normally, a 'my in-laws are here' or 'i've got something on that night' would have been enough. however, this time i feel exceedingly guilty and my conscience won't allow me to say it.
the moment i received her text about the dinner party, i guessed that it was a invitation to celebrate her birthday as the date was too close to be coincidental. it is also because of this reason that i find myself unable to turn her down.
most of us will feel comfortable enough in our own company to be able to keep the celebration of our birthday on a low tune. the mere presence of our loved ones around us during that day would have suffice. a few lunch invitations from close friends will top the icing on the cake but if none surfaced, we will be happy enough to be by ourselves. all that because we do not feel the racking feeling of loneliness, day in and day out.
i don't know. maybe i am reading this wrong but to have to extend an invitation for dinner on your birthday sounds like a cry in the dark to me, a plea against spending it all alone that evening. i have never had to ask others to celebrate it for me and i guess in that way i am lucky. for that reason, my heart bleeds for her. for her desperate cry against loneliness or her apparent inability to enjoy her own company, i don't know. it doesn't matter. as i said, i could be reading this wrong. maybe because i am so aware of the stories in her past that i have misinterpreted her emotions.
anyway, i feel obliged to go. to be there with her when she needs me, consciously or unconsciously. it's better to read too much into this, be paranoid and to travel down the safe path, than to disregard it and forever regret the effects my callousness will cause.
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8 comments:
Just go lah... You might not know what pleasant encounters you'll have there. :) Enjoy yourself okay....
Hmm, I don't see anything wrong with organizing something on your own birthday. It doesn't necessarily signify desperation.
For me, celebrating birthdays is a form of thankfulness and a good opportunity to have a get-together. And it should be an honor that the other person regards you highly enough as a friend to want your company on her birthday.
yes, go & eat plenty!
yep, we have mostly lost this trait of being a human. That of company. many times we are just so self-centered and if the invitation doesnt suit our schedules a bit, we just brush it off.
you should feel honoured and privileged that she wants to include you in this clebration.So go, make her happy with your presence
dear ian: i'm sure i will. i think it's just the year end. too many things, too many obligations and too many promises...too beat up.
dear jonzz: sometimes i need just that, someone to tell me that it's actually quite a normal thing. as with everybody, sometimes my opinions become biased (or not, i'm not quite sure yet), prob because of other things that i know of.
it's not this single event that i have come to my opinion, of course, but it's only this one event that i am telling here. anyway, all this doesn't mean that i'm not honored. which is the reason why i will be going.
dear wuching: don't worry. i've got a whole list of party invitations to feed my bulging tummy on this month. *grins*
dear monty: it's so much easier to just say no, than spend the entire evening bracing for company, don't you think? especially ppl like us who are more comfortable over the computer.
dear just me: as i've said to jonzz, i do feel honored, esp since the guest list is restricted to close friends and relatives. and that's why i can't turn it down. maybe i'm reading too much into it... *shrug shoulder*..sometimes my brain gets overly active.
I would not really mind attending the dinner, for watever occasion it is. Is it in a grp context? But I am too v afraid of people who r v sticky n needy or merely making use of me for company. If that is wat u r saying at all.
dear poochie: i don't think she's needy. maybe it's because i know of so many things in her life that made me come to the conclusion...but which will not be very nice of me to repeat here. sorry, shouldn't have brought up the story of the dinner at all.
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