v-day

the obligatory valentine day post.

everything’s muted this year, even valentine day. could be because it’s so close to chinese new year, everybody’s attention seem to be focused on the preparation for the festivity. i like to savour my occasions, let them swirl in my mouth a little and enjoy the after-taste. instead, i'm feeling like the victim of a hit-and-run.

i think the sweetest valentine are those little cards you receive during the early schooling years from geeky-looking guys. the innocence of the whole thing just tugs at your heart strings. the sweetest cards just to let you know that someone fancies you, with no strings attached. awwwwwwwwww, how can you beat that? the best are those signed 'from your secret admirer'. i never made much effort to find out who sent them. why spoil the mystery? what would you do if the sender was a nerdy four-eyed clumsy toothy boy?

valentine is not quite the same for old married couples, as contrasted with partners who are just starting out their journey in life together, and i'm not making any reference to the age. the pitter patter of the heartbeat as you wait in anticipation for his gestures, the excitement and nervousness of expressing your feelings to a person you have long admired, the shyness as you stare into his eyes over the candlelight....i've left those behind eons ago. in its place is something which is not all that bad.

instead of the thunderous beatings of the heart, i get a warm and cosy feeling when i lean close. i traded the butterflies in my stomach for a feeling that i belong, that i've come home. there may be no roses on my table, which will wither and die in a fortnight anyway. in its place, i get gestures of love everyday, staring bluntly in my face. best of all, he has become someone in whose presence i can unabashedly devour my crabs, licking fingers and all.

admitedly, it wasn't always like that. we went past stormy seas and trecherous mountains to reach this calm port. i nagged and nagged to twist one drop of romance from him, which wasn't quite worth all the effort in the end. i've watched other romantic couples with a drop of tear in the corner of my eye. i don't know if it was maturity or mellowness in my old age that finally tempered it all. i don't know if he had changed or i have.

i no longer need valentine day to see the love in his eyes.